my head hurts.

a poem of how i “feel” sometimes :p
by kaiden

while i know my emotions arise to be temporarily felt
as waves collide and fall back onto itself
when emotions pass,
heading back to where they had came
i feel disconnected to what should’ve caused me pain
started with being gripped by heartache
constant stimuli eventually made the feeling fade
i found the quiet that the thoughts had hid in
burning my hand or pride dying
all the pain got dismissed within.

i realized that with despair
that it worked no different than happiness
*all* emotions rise and fall within
its all in the view of awareness
unable to renounce
i keep to the householders way.

intoxicants don’t work
i feel the same as i did before
i’d follow my heart but it think its broken
My sense of who i am gets lost every morning
i can’t decide whether or not i feel
or if i’m just aware that i had felt some way
i’m happy but i couldn’t be more worse off
my pain and joy all collide in my head,
then they dissipate
my head is split, i should feel something
yet being indifferent to death
is what i had wanted originally.